Hopefully I will manage to stay here this time. It is rather fascinating how fast time flies. This spring it is six years since I first heard about Paolo Zamboni and CCSVI (chronic cerebro-spinal venous insufficiency). I had really hoped that these years had meant that my veins were now functioning perfectly and that my health was vastly improved. Alas, it is not. I have not given up hope, though. Removing the “dratted tooth” has left me with a small gap in the side of my upper mouth, and while I was a little self conscious about it to begin with, I am not so anymore. I have also discovered I am not the only one. The positive effect of removing it and the bacterias living in it is still with me, as my werewolf tendencies are gone. Full moon no longer has me howling in pain, so that’s all good.
Now, veins. They’re still there, thankfully. So is whatever it is that makes my left jugular vein feel rather stiff and painful several times daily. Is it muscular like quite a few docs say (but they do not explain why), or is it colonies of biofilm-building microbes in my veins that interrupt flow and cause reflux and ruptures? I don’t know, and unfortunately I have not been able to find a medically knowledgeable person with access to the right kind of equipment who also wants to find out. In my quest for CCSVI treatment in Norway, one hospital actually managed to say that they would not accept me as a patient, because they did not know what to do if they got a positive result. I.e, we don’t want to look because we don’t know what to do if we see what these papers suggest we will se. I have come as far as finding that yes, I do have venous reflux and that there are also some things flipping around in the flow. This looks like half a damaged valve, except there are no valves in the upper veins. So what is it? The medical establishment (read: MS neurologists) seem to only care about keeping the status quo, they certainly do not want to get anywhere close to theories that could possibly turn their world upside down. It obviously does not matter that it could improve the life quality of their patients.
This stuff is all rather depressing, and hitting one’s head against the wall is not enjoyable, even if it is just a figure of speech. So I prefer to focus on something else. Oh, and for those who wonder (I am not sure if I have said this elsewhere here): No, I do not believe MS is an autoimmune disease. I think the whole idea of autoimmunity is flawed, it is another example of human hubris. We see something we don’t understand, so it must be autoimmunity because it looks like that. How convenient. This stops the search for what it is that is going on underneath what we see, because it is all about autoimmunity and so we must focus on immunosuppressive drugs. Meh. No thoughts about the absolutely amazing creation our bodies are, and how unlikely it is that they would start attacking themselves. Back to where I wanted to go: focusing elsewhere. More specifically: What can I do? What are my options? One thing I do is something we all do, I dream. But unlike most, and unlike myself half a year ago, I dream with purpose and structure. Which means I am an active dreamer. I have done a 12-week course with Robert Moss on the Shift Network in Active Dreaming, and have now enrolled in a new course. A six month immersion into dreaming called Quantum Dreaming. Also on The Shift Network, with Robert Moss. We start on Thursday, 7th April. I am looking forward to this so, so much. And as I see dreamwork as something we all have the ability to do, I will share my experiences and hopefully inspire a few to join me in exploring dreamspace. It is incredible.